Is This a Situationship?

Situationships, explained

The word “situationship” became popular around 2017 — but the thing has been around forever. It’s what happens when two people get involved enough to feel involved, without ever taking the step that would make it a relationship: defining it, becoming exclusive, telling friends and family, planning for a future.

Modern dating produces a lot of these. Some are happy. Many aren’t. The quiz helps you figure out which kind you’re in.

What a situationship looks like

• You see each other regularly. You sleep together. You know each other’s lives.
• You haven’t had The Talk. Either of you has dodged when it came close.
• You’re not officially exclusive — but you’d both feel weird if the other dated someone.
• You text constantly some weeks, then go quiet for days other weeks.
• You don’t really know if you’ll be doing this in three months.
• You haven’t met each other’s close friends, or you have but as “friends,” not partner.
• You catch yourself checking their Instagram likes more than is dignified.
• You’ve said “what are we” once, jokingly, and they laughed it off.

What’s NOT a situationship

• A clearly-defined casual sexual relationship where both people are happy with that label.
• A new relationship that’s only a few weeks old (everything is undefined in the first few weeks; that’s normal).
• A friends-with-benefits where both people are clear about the benefits part.
• Open or polyamorous relationships with defined structures.
• Long-distance situations with no exclusivity question.

A situationship is specifically the undefined middle — too involved to be casual, too uncommitted to be a relationship.

The painful kind vs. the okay kind

Some situationships are fine. Both people prefer low-commitment connection, neither is secretly hoping for more, and the arrangement is sustainable. These are the situationships people don’t take quizzes about.

The painful kind is when one person wants more and is staying in hopes the other will change. They tell themselves they’re being patient. They mean they’re being optional. The defining sign is that you can’t honestly answer “are you okay if this stays exactly like this for another year?” without your stomach dropping.

This quiz is calibrated to detect the difference.

What to do with your result

A few rules, regardless:

1. Don’t ask The Question at 1 a.m. Especially not via text. Have the conversation when you’re both sober, present, and not in bed.
2. Decide what you want first. Going into The Talk hoping they’ll decide for you is the trap. Know your own answer: “I want to be in a relationship with you” or “I want to keep this as is” or “I need this to either move forward or end.”
3. Their evasion IS an answer. If they can’t or won’t define it after a real conversation, that’s information — usually the information that they don’t want the version you want.
4. End it if you need to. Most situationships that get The Talk and don’t move forward to relationship should end. Staying is rarely the right call.

Related quizzes

• Am I in Love? quiz — figure out if the feelings are big enough to make this worth pushing
• Should I Tell Them I Like Them? quiz — different problem, sometimes paired
• What’s My Attachment Style? quiz — situationships hit anxiously-attached folks especially hard
• Am I Falling for My Best Friend? quiz — situationships often grow out of friendships that crossed lines